Love As A Way of Life
By Gary Chapman
For
decades Dr. Gary Chapman’s best-selling books have shown readers how to
speak the “love language” of those they care about. Now he digs
even deeper to uncover the foundations of what it means to cultivate a
lifestyle of love and how doing so leads to satisfaction and success in every
area of life.
Drawing fresh insights from timeless biblical principles,
Chapman presents poignant stories of real people who have discovered the joys
of living out the seven characteristics of authentic love: kindness, patience,
forgiveness, humility, courtesy, generosity, and honesty. Enhanced with
eye-opening self tests, practical ideas for building daily habits of love, and
inspiring examples of love’s power to change lives, this book guides
readers in putting love to work in all of their interpersonal relationships.
Convinced that in a world of constant conflict people
desperately need authentic love, Chapman paints a compelling vision of how life
can be richer and relationships more satisfying for anyone who practices Love As a Way of Life.
Gary Chapman is the
author of twenty-five books, including the New
York Times bestseller The Five
Love Languages, with more than 4 million copies in print. His daily
radio program, A Love Language Minute,
is broadcast on more than 100 stations nationwide. Chapman, a graduate of Moody
Bible Institute, Wheaton College, Wake-Forest
University, and Southwestern Baptist
Theological Seminary, serves on the pastoral staff at Calvary
Baptist Church
in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
Get a copy today at:
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Enjoy more about this book in this interview with Gary D. Chapman:
1. Describe some of the
everyday situations that can be changed if a person has a foundation of love.
When love becomes the focus of ones life it will
change every encounter we have with people. In the family, the husband is
thinking, “what can I do before I leave for work that would be helpful
for my wife?” Such thinking may lead him to take the trash out, put his
breakfast plates in the dishwasher or feed the baby while his wife takes a
shower.
In the workplace, employees are asking,
“on my break, what might I do that would help someone else?” They
will also make time to listen to a co-worker who seems to be having a hard time
with a personal issue.
At the bank, post office, or cafeteria, the
lover will look people in the eye and smile, perhaps opening the door to a
conversation. They will express interest in what is going on in the lives of
those they encounter.
The focus is not on “it’s all about
me.” But, rather on “It is all about others.”
2. What is the take-away
message of Love as a Way of Life?
Love as a Way of Life is designed to help the
person who sincerely wants to make a positive impact in the world. I believe
that is ‘most of us.’ Our biggest problem is that we don’t
know how and we keep getting tripped up by our own selfish ambitions. The
purpose of the book is to help us break free from the prison of selfishness and
come to experience the satisfaction of truly loving others as a way of life. It
is little acts of love that build up to a lifestyle of service.
3. Why do you need a
foundation of love before you start figuring out our love languages?
The five love languages give information on the
most effective way to express love in a meaningful way to a particular person.
But, if you are not a loving person – don’t have the heart or will
to focus on others – the information is of little value. Most of us must
make a conscious change of focus from self to others if we are going to
genuinely, and consistently enrich the lives of others. Love as a Way of Life
is designed to help people make that change.
4. When did you realize
the need for this book?
I first recognized the need for Love as a Way of
Life when in a counseling session a husband said to me, “I’ll tell
you right now, if it is going to take my washing dishes, and doing the laundry
for my wife to feel loved, you can forget that.” I had just explained to
him the concept of the five love languages and that his wife’s primary
love language was ‘acts of service’ and that these acts would
deeply communicate his love to her. I realized that he lacked the will to meet
his wife’s need for love. He was locked into his own perception of what
his role was to be and it did not include washing dishes and doing laundry. I
knew at that moment that there was something more foundational than simply
knowing a person’s love language.
5. What are the seven
characteristics of lasting love?
I view love not as a single entity, but as a
cluster of traits, which if developed will enhance all of life.These traits
are:
Kindness: discovering the joy of helping others
Patience: accepting the imperfections of others
Forgiveness: finding freedom from the grip of anger
Courtesy: treating others as friends
Humility: stepping down so someone else can step
up
Generosity: giving your time, money, and
abilities to others
Honesty: caring enough to tell the truth
6. Why do you think
it’s so hard for people to embrace these characteristics?
All of us have some of these characteristics to
some degree. Most people see love as being better than hate. But most of us
are comfortable to live somewhere between love and hate in a lifestyle that is
fundamentally focused on self. We feel good when we are making money,
accumulating things, gaining status, but in time these things do not ultimately
satisfy what I call the ‘true self’. The true self longs to make
the world a better place to live. To do something to help those less fortunate
than we.
However, we all suffer from the malady of being
ego-centric. I call this the ‘false self’. It is that part of man
that pulls him to focus on self-preservation and a self-centered lifestyle.
This is not all bad. Indeed we must meet our own physical and emotional needs
in order to continue life. It is when we never get beyond this self focus,
that life becomes a ‘dog eat dog’ world where everyone is out for
self even at the expense of others. Such a life never brings long-term
satisfaction. However it is often later in life that people discover the
emptiness of selfish living. I’m hoping that Love as a Way of Life will
help people discover the satisfaction of developing the ‘true self’
earlier in life.
Gary D. Chapman
