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Posted by: Tricia Goyer at 12:42PM EST on September 4, 2008
Dealing with disappointment is one of the hard things that comes from
life. Seeing our kids deal with disappointment is even harder. Yet we
know that in every person's life there will be struggles, and the older
our kids get, the bigger the problems. Ugh!
John and I have always felt that one of the best things we can do to help our teens cope with life's setbacks is to handle them well ourselves. We know
that what we say is only 10% of what our kids pick up. The other 90%
comes from them seeing how we live. They watch and learn. (Whether we
like that idea or not!)
So how do we handle unexpected problems?
During our personal setbacks, we voice the problem with our kids, and
we ask them to pray with us. We talk about solutions (finding wisdom
from God's Word), and we look positively at steps we can take.
We also try to prepare our kids ahead of time for the challenges they will
have in life. When it comes to talking about our time on this earth, we
remind our kids that things will not be perfect ... ever. There is no
such thing as reaching perfection on earth. Rather, we tell them it's
what's on the inside that counts. It's character and honor and
resilience that will pull each of through. It's having faith in God and
moving forward even when you want to give up.
Another thing I do is talk to my kids about "scripting" their lives. They are the
screenwriters of their own life stories. Instead of getting caught up
in the drama of everyday circumstances, I've encouraged them to think
through their emotions and responses BEFORE those things happen.
For example, if Leslie's friend accuses her of something, how should she
respond? By thinking ahead of this type of conflict and Leslie's
responses, it will help her know how to deal with the situation,
instead of being caught off guard--and allowing the emotions to flow.
Or what if Nathan doesn't do well in the science far, what's next? I try
to talk through different scenarios to help him to mentally prepare for
what is to come. This makes adversity easier to deal with with the
situation arises.
Unfortunately, we've had a recent event in which we've "lived this out":
Our oldest son Cory wasn't athletic as a elementary or junior high school
student, but in his junior and senior year he really started doing
well. He became a starter on the basketball team and got REALLY excited
about playing. He would do more running/shooting etc. than what was
asked by his couch. His hard work paid off and he was asked to be
co-captain of the team. But during these two years he had problems with
his knees. We took him to the doctor who encouraged wearing a brace. We
assume that his pain from his knees was just pain from all the exercise
and stress on his knees. Cory continued playing.
Then, less than three weeks before the state tournament, Cory was injured in a game. He
went up to block a basket and crumbled to the ground. It was clear
right away that it was a major injury.
After getting Cory check out we discovered both knees had shredded ACLs and he needed surgery. Also, he could not finish the basketball season. To say Cory was disappointed was an understatement. We hurt for him.
John and I tried to help Cory by helping him look at the positives. 1) He had a
great two years playing ball. 2) He got injured near the end of the
season, instead of the beginning. 3) He was still co-captain, and now
his team needed him more than ever--to encourage them on.
Cory took this to heart. He still attended every practice, and he sat on the
bench every game. He shouted encouragement and showed his support. I've
never been so proud of him!
As a result, Cory's team also had a new respect for Cory. They appreciated him when he played, but they appreciated him even more when he lifted them up when he was down. Cory's friendships deepened, and later his team gave him the "Christian Character" award for his attitude after his injury.
It was hard seeing Cory sit out the rest of a season, but I also think it was a
life-lesson that will carry Cory through life. Disappointment will
come, but a positive attitude, trust in God, and a focus on others will
always pull us through.
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Posted by: Tricia Goyer at 11:31PM EST on May 12, 2008
Thoughts on Home, Family, and God from the middle of Suburbia!
Before 1999, I didn’t think much about heaven. It was out there somewhere, beautiful and wonderful I was sure.
Thinking
of it, reminded me of food. (Like everything else reminds me of food,
too.) Although meat always smells good when you pass a barbecue,
grilling up dinner, if you’re not hungry, has no draw. But the hungrier
you are, the more interest you have in what’s under the cover of that
grill. And it wasn’t until death met our home that I became hungry for
heaven.
It all started when my husband and I moved 1,000 miles
from California to Montana. I had one main concern, and that was
leaving my aging grandparents behind. A few years after we’d moved, the
news I’d dreaded came. My grandfather was dying of cancer and he didn’t
have long to live.
The thing that surprised my extended family
the most was his desire to spend his last days in Montana. So over
Christmas break, my husband and I drove through a blizzard, packed my
grandparents up, and moved them to our home.
My grandpa seemed
fine at first. Sure, he was a little slower than normal but that was to
be expected. Then the weeks and months passed, and the weaker he became
the more I started thinking about our eternal home.
I had
listened to songs about heaven and read about it in the Bible, and
while it was interesting, when you’re in that situation it’s about as
filling to your soul as reading a cookbook or watching to a cooking
show when your hungry.
Never having lost a close family member
before, I had a hundred ideas of how I thought I’d deal with things,
but none of them were right.
After four months living with us,
my grandfather was bedridden. My grandmother and I would spend time in
his room reading Scripture verses and praying with him.
Then,
one day the idea of heaven heightened. I was reading aloud to my kids
when my grandmother called me into the room. My grandpa was praying
with hands lifted. Later he described smelling beautiful scents and
seeing white birds and a gentle lion. More than that, he saw his Savior
with arms stretched wide.
The next day, my grandfather went into
a coma, and while I should have been terribly sad instead my heart
nearly burst with joy. Every time I walked into the room it was as if
heaven had touched the room with blue electricity. It seemed brighter
and filled with the sensations of the brush of angel wings.
I
have two final memories of my grandpa’s last waking moments. One was
the peace in his eyes, and the other was the kiss he blew my direction.
Though unable to speak, he was giving me a final farewell. Or a “see
you later” to be exact.
So while I’m not ready for my life to be
over today, heaven has great appeal. The small taste of it was enough
to last a lifetime, and the reality of it will be a feast that I’m
eager to enjoy . . . forever.
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Posted by: Tricia Goyer at 4:00PM EST on March 20, 2008
For the last week my mom has been living with me. She's sweet and
helpful ... but she's my mom. Seriously, she's told me not to smack my
gum when I chew and what outfits of mine she likes. :-)
Anyway, I read this and thought it was great!
"We all know there's a certain behavior unique to mothers. It defiles logic, it's beyond explanation, it's a "Mom" thing.
Allow me to give you a little advice.
~~When
you've been vegetarian for six years and she still doesn't think you're
getting enough vegetables in your diet, don't let it chew on you. It's
a "Mom" thing.
~~When, after slamming on the car brakes, she
stretched her hand our in front of you to block your thrust (even
though you're safe in your seat-belt), relax. It's a "Mom" thing, and
you'll never get her to break it.
~~When she still gives you a
10:00 p.m. curfew (which you don't mind, but your spouse is getting a
little annoyed with it), don't fret. It's just a "Mom" thing.
~~When
she insists on holding your hand while crossing the street, even though
you're needing to hold your kids' hands while crossing the street, work
it out somehow. It's a "Mom" thing.
~~When she calls you at five
o'clock a.m. to say that she doesn't think you're getting enough rest,
don't lose any sleep over it. It's a "Mom" thing.
~~When you're
sick and she makes enough chicken soup to nurse the entire Mayo Clinic,
don't let it get you down. It's a "Mom" thing.
~~When she still
insists on walking you to the school bus (which wouldn't be so bad if
you were not the driver now), go with it. It's a "Mom" thing.
~~And
finally, when she shows your baby picture to everyone she meets, just
smile. Sure, it's a 16" x 20" and you're afraid she'll throw out her
back by hauling it around in that solid oak frame, but it's a "Mom"
thing—and it's bigger than both of you."
-- From Honey, the Carpet Needs Wedding Again! By Martha Bolton
MeMe
1. What is one thing you said you've never do as a mom ... and now find yourself doing?
2. How would you describe your mom in five words?
3. How would you describe yourself as a mom in five words?
4. Does your mom still carry a baby photo of you in her wallet?
Stop
Lurking! Every week I will draw names for a free Tricia Goyer book from
those who comment on my blogs. Winner's choice! Tell your friends.
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Posted by: Tricia Goyer at 12:41PM EST on December 11, 2007
It's
the Christmas season ... there's no better time to talk about teen
pregnancy! I'm being totally serious here. (And if you keep reading
this WILL tie into Christmas!)
I first started thinking about this topic when I heard a recent report that the number of teen births have risen ...
> Washington,
DC -- Today, the National Center for Health Statistics released
preliminary 2006 birth data, and highlighted the fact that for the
first time in 14 years, the teen birth rate has increased. The rate
rose from 40.5 births per 1,000 females aged 15-19 in 2005 to 41.9
births per 1,000 in 2006--a 3 percent increase.
>
I
read some newspaper reports that are stating that abstinence education
is the cause ... that we're not giving teens enough information on
contraception. Hmmm ... instead maybe we should consider:
***
All the movie stars having babies ... MANY outside of marriage. On
every magazine what do you see babies, babies, babies. It's the new
fashion accessory.
*** How sex is portrayed on TV and movies. If you are in love, jump in bed.
***
How sex is written about in books. Or in soap operas. It's now if
you're chosing to have sex ... it's who's sleeping with who THIS WEEK.
***
How we dress. Skin is in (unless you are in Montana and it's December).
We train young women to dress as sex goddesses and then shame them when
they act like one?!
Also, should it be any surprise that Hollywood is on board with this trend?
There
is a new movie called Juno opening December 14. It's the third comedy
of the year, after “Knocked Up” and “Waitress,” about an unexpected
pregnancy. I plan on watching it ... because my HOPE is that it has a
good message of second chances and making right choices. (link for article) (link for trailer)
Actually, there's a movie I want to watch even more than that ... and it's called Bella.
If that doesn't make you want to run to the theater, I don't know what does! You can find more information about it here: http://www.bellamoviesite.com/
Which leads me to Christmas! A few nights ago my family watched The Nativity Story
I
TOTALLY recommend it. All members of my family greatly enjoyed it. In
fact, I might watch it again soon. I loved how it brought the Roman
persecuation of the Jews to life. But mostly I loved how it portrayed
Mary as a teen facing an unexpected pregnancy. The shame. The whispers.
The strength it took to believe that God had a plan.
It makes me
think of my own story too. Nineteen years ago I was a pregnant
teen--unsure of my future. Now look what God has done! He can bring
GOOD out of any situation. He has for me! And he can for all those new
moms who are young, yet enjoying their baby's first Christmas this year.
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Posted by: Tricia Goyer at 5:13PM EST on December 5, 2007
Basketball season is here! Go Crusaders! What does this mean? Well,
almost every weekend between now and February 15th (except for the
weekend before Christmas), we'll be watching Cory and Leslie play
basketball.
Last Friday and Saturday we watched four great
games! My kids played awesome, and we had some wins. (Okay, our girls'
team is 34-0 ... they haven't lost in a few years, but as I remind my
daughter we need to watch out that pride doesn't creep into our hearts!
What they accomplish is only through God's strength.) The cool thing is
that both our kids are playing better than ever, and we've really seen
an improvement over the past few years.
The hard thing about
basketball season is that we travel all over the state because we're
part of the Christian school/homeschool league. It's not uncommon to
travel 4-5 hours for 1-2 games!
The fun thing about basketball
season is that we're together as a family. We ride together, eat
together, stay in the same hotel room (I was told I snore!), and we
enjoy hanging out. It's also fun to hang out with the other families.
We're blessed to enjoy the good people who have the same family goals
we do ... which is to focus on Christian character and have fun in the
process.
I spend time before games, after games, meals, etc.
chatting with some of the other moms. Some of them recently started
reading my novels, which is fun. They love asking me questions about
research, and they are eager to hear the "true stories" behind the
novels.
This came to mind this morning when I was reading Called and Accountable
by Henry and Norman Blackaby. Because our kids our on the same team,
because we spend hours and hours and hours together every weekend, I'm
able to give these people the inside scoop. Not every reader is so
privileged. Most people just have to guess at which parts are true, or
read my blog for some of the "true stories" I post every now or then.
I'm
so glad that no matter who we are, or where we live, or if we have kids
playing basketball or not, we ALWAYS have the Author of the Holy Bible
to meet with us as we read His word. The Blackabys write, "As a person
approaches the Bible and opens its pages, he or she comes face to face
with the Author--God! The Holy Spirit is present to open the mind and
heart of the child of God to an immediate Word from God for his or her
life (John 14:16-17; John 16:13-15; 1 Corinthians 2:10-16). Without
this commitment to encounter God in His Word, one is left to human
reasoning alone--something that will never lead to God or an
understanding of His Word." p. 13
Human reason will never lead
to God or an understanding of His Word. And I'm so thankful that when I
open my Bible and pray for God to meet me, the Holy Spirit is quick to
connect God's Word to a truth that will impact my life in a real way.
He will never not show up when I ask!
So, I'm sorry dear friend,
if you're not traveling with the Crusaders I most like won't have time
to sit down with you and explain all the research behind my books. But
... I know an Author who is eager to meet you anytime, any place, to
share His story with you in a real and personal way!
(P.S. And
if you don't know this Author and want to know how ... email me at:
fromdustandashes@hotmail.com I'd love to share how you can meet Him for
real!)
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Posted by: Tricia Goyer at 1:28PM EST on December 4, 2007
I
always get TONS of requests on info on how I do everything, so ... in
November (and now into December) on Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm going to
have Time Management 101 with tips for balancing family, hubby, life, job, friends, house, etc.
Life
1.
I shop BIG and make sure I have full cupboard to choose from when I
cook. Some weeks I plan a menu … but most of the time I try to think a
few days ahead. I schedule in to start making dinner at 5:00 p.m.
2. I daily sort mail and clean off my desk. I weekly try to catch up on emails. I bi-weekly pay bills.
3. I don’t usually answer the phone during the day. I’ll let people leave messages, and then I’ll return them later.
4. I don’t get sucked into email. I schedule that like everything else.
5.
I often answer email when we’re hanging out and watch family movies. My
family is amazed I’m able to follow the story and go through messages.
(Of course, if it’s a movie I’m really interested in, the computer gets
put away.)
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Posted by: Tricia Goyer at 1:07PM EST on November 20, 2007
I always get TONS of requests on info on how I do everything, so ... in November on Tuesday and Thursdays I'm going to have Time Management 101 with tips for balancing family, hubby, life, job, friends, house, etc.
Deadlines:
1.
My family used to MOAN during deadline month. They basically never saw
Mom. For the last few books I’ve been trying spread out the deadlines.
I schedule in daily writing times for every project through the months,
and I do my best to meet those goals. If I can accomplish this it’s not
as stressful in the last month before deadline.
2. I also work
in magazine deadlines. (Again looking at my schedule, I figure about
eight hours per article on average, and make space.) If I’m asked to
write an article, I realistically look at my schedule. If I can’t do
it, I decline.
3. I occasionally will go away with a friend to
write for a few days. Next week I’ll be going for four days. I get a
TON of writing done if that’s all I have to focus on.
4. I work
on a weekly schedule, but daily I ask myself, “What is the most
important thing I need to accomplish today?” And I do that first. I
then rearrange my daily schedule according to my “most important
stuff,” because there are ALWAYS things that come up. I like my
electronic calendar because I just click and drag to move stuff around.
5.
I also “schedule in” ideas … book ideas, article ideas, marketing
ideas. I create a “slot” on my calendar and plug those in. It gets them
off my mind until I’m ready for them.
6. If I feel the Holy
Spirit laying something heavy on my heart … I will ignore my schedule
and follow that leading. In fact, most of my book proposals come from
this. If I feel something strong on my heart I ask myself, “Will I be
disobedient if I don’t follow this leading, at this time?” If I feel
“yes,” then I’ll work on it … even if I had the day scheduled for
something else. If I feel “no,” then I’ll jot a note to myself and keep
going with what I had planned.
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Posted by: Tricia Goyer at 2:19PM EST on November 1, 2007
I've been homeschooling for thirteen years. Kids are now 18, 15, and 13
and my oldest is graduating this year. (Although we are in the process
of an International adoption, so I'll be starting all over in a few
years!) Anyway, during this time my husband and I have felt God's
leading in towards ministry. My husband works full-time, out of the
home, yet God led us to start a dynamic, weekly children's ministry at
our church. John writes the curriculum, and the rest of us help as
actors or with sound/lighting. We've done this every week for the last
ten years.
Also, when I was pregnant with my youngest, I felt
God's leading to start writing. Since that time I've written fourteen
books that have been published by houses such as Zondervan and Thomas
Nelson. I write both historical fiction and non-fiction books
concerning parenting, marriage, books for teens, etc. I also write
regularly for Focus on the Family and other national magazines. I also
helped to start a crisis pregnancy center in our town in 1999, and
volunteered there for many years. My children helped through remodel,
babysitting for teen moms, etc.
There were times when it was
hard balancing it all ... but I also feel that we, as homeschooling
parents (or all parents!), do our kids no favors when we neglect to
follow our God-given dreams. In fact, I feel it has benefited my kids
to see me seeking God, setting goals, and accomplishing my dreams
through God's strength. They see lived-out examples of how one person
can reach many, and they've witnessed and people blessed as a result.
They shared dinner with teen parents, have visited with WWII vets, and
have "proofed" my books before they go to print. Their lives are
enriched, and they've seen God at work.
So what about you? Have
you bought in to the lie that you'll do something for God "once the
kids are older"? If so ... what a shame. Just think of what an example
you can be TODAY. Just think of how seeing God at work in your can mold
YOUR children's future!
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Posted by: Tricia Goyer at 12:41PM EST on September 27, 2007
My mind is so full of everything I want to share that I thought I'd share a few things at a time ... there is so much!
First
of all, my most meaningful moment was not centered on writing, but on
our adoption. We've been doing paperwork to adopt for China for 1 1/2
years. It's been slowed down by crazy things like a lost homestudy (the
immigration office moved mid-paperwork) and unsatisfactory
fingerprints. On Thursday Susan Downs, who has been praying for me,
found me and told me she was continuing to pray. It was awesome to know
that there was someone there who knew my heart and continued to pray
for me.
Then, Saturday after the banquet, and fun time with my
friends, I discovered my husband had been trying to reach me. He'd
called 5-6 times. I called him and he excitedly told me our paperwork
was in! It had been mailed that day Susan was praying!!!
We are
approved for one or TWO (if there are twins) babies from China. It was
awesome because I was able to go around (at midnight!) and tell my
wonderful agent Janet Grant and some of my friends.
It
was a special, and unexpected, gift--both the paperwork and that God
chose THERE to let me hear the news and share it face-to-face with
those who have been praying!
The process is still 2 more years, but I know God's timing is perfect!
You
pick up a book, scan the back cover and it either grabs you or it
doesn’t. When my influencer copy of My Life, Unscripted from Tricia Goyer
arrived, the back cover copy jumped out at me and seconds later I was
sinking into my couch, stealing enough time to confirm that this book
is a definite keeper! Wait! Scratch that, it was SO good I made it a
huge priority to finish before my niece’s 18th birthday party that
weekend. I knew I had to pass it along. And as I read, I kept thinking
of different teenage girls–nieces and friends–that would benefit with
this warm and personal, yet hip, mentoring of Tricia’s in their hands.
