Father, help us to understand your will concerning our relationships with the people in our lives. Specifically, how to approach parent/teen, friend/friend, and guy/girl relationships. You designed them all, you have a process in mind that will lead us to healthy relationships in each of these areas, guide us in it. Help us to not take any relationship for granted, help us to not put any relationship above our relationship with you.

Help us to not enter into flippant relationships that carry inevitable potential to cause harm and to leave everyone involved wounded in the end. Help us, teens and adults, to walk in the way that you have planned for each of us. Help us in that search to find that person to complete us, it is your design Lord that we be joined to a helpmate. Lead us in that search. Keep us from sin and temptation. Protect us from being distracted and from entering into wrong relationships based on anything other than the perfect will and plan of our God.

In the name of Jesus. Amen.

You can call it a million things… dating, courting, scoping our the prospects… whatever… but there is a transition that is necessary to go from that time of learning/growth (concerning purity) to that time of choosing a husband/wife. Purity isn’t just about virginity… it’s also about sex in a Godly marriage. That pure and holy relationship between only one man and one woman. Zero sex with anyone before. Zero sex with anyone else after. I wish it was as easy as saying, Mr. Right will suddenly appear, but that’s rarely the case. Wisdom involves measuring the cost of the materials needed to build a house before starting the project (Luke 14:28). That means you need to consider the things that make up a good spouse, a marriage that will last, a guy/girl bond that will forever thrill you (not one that will flash and burn you)… You need to know, really know, the things that God says make up Godly character… you know, stuff like honesty, communication, being quick to repent, being quick to forgive, all that stuff listed in I Corinthians 13.

It’s not about finding that perfect person, only Christ is perfect. But you should be looking for that person that has a right heart before God. Is their passion to hear from God and to obey to the best of their ability? To correct their behavior willingly when they fail in it (cause we all have our areas and we all fall flat on our face at times, see 1 John 1:5-10) -- to be and act and do whatever God teaches them as he transforms them into his image. Someone that will have a heart to see that same work performed in the lives of every person around them.

Skip looking at the outside appearance and behaviors, pay attention to the heart and the character of a person. What are they like in those down times, those personal moments, when no one is looking. Is their integrity consistent? What’s coming out of their mouth and out of their heart? Are they strong and courageous in setting boundaries for themselves? Are they concerned about protecting you and the people in their life, as much as they are concerned about protecting themselves? Do you see Christ in them? Do they reflect his standards, do you reflect his standards in your relationship with them? Do they spur you on to be more like Christ? Are they a truly good friend? The foundation of every relationship worth having is a solid friendship:

As iron sharpens iron, So a man (woman) sharpens the countenance of his friend.

(Proverbs 27:17)

Personally, I think that time of learning self-control/purity goes from birth thru 17 years of age for most people. I’m not gonna set a bold line in the sand, but I just think dating before that time is a bad idea. If a person can’t keep themselves in check physically and emotionally to that point, they are not mature enough to start searching out that helpmate. And that’s what the dating process is all about. For Christians, it’s not about sticking a label of ownership on someone just so you can say you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Relationships based on that will almost always end badly unless God intervenes. They’re fun, they serve you for a while, but there are messy things waiting down the road. I know you hate to hear that, but I’d rather tell you before than after. Even if it means making people that I love mad at me. It’s not about being popular, it’s about loving people. And I love you.

Be careful about entering a commitment, a contract, a relationship that gives your devotion and future away like a fast-food burger wrapper. A relationship that wraps your heart and your purity loosely, making you vulnerable to being dirtied. It slips off and falls opens so easily and unexpectedly in the hustle and bustle of life and interaction with people. That’s never the intention, you want clean food… but a cheap wrapper (a cheap relationship/investment) puts you at increased risk for food poisoning physically and spiritually. Stupid analogy I know, but you get what I’m saying.

Invest in something that’s gonna last, that has Godly potential, that will bless the future of everyone involved, that you don’t have to rush into, that you can build on a foundation based on Godly principles. Ur not just gonna jump from being a non-dating virgin, into a perfect marriage. But don’t let that transition time be an excuse for bad choices. Otherwise be ready to wind up in the porta-potty suffering the consequences of that gas-bomb you pigged out on. Relationships feed your spirit. It’s important to be educated, have a plan, and to dine according to the healthy standards that God has set in place. He’s a spiritual health inspector, but he’s not gonna cram it down your throat. You gotta decide what you’re gonna pick up and eat. If he says it’s gonna rot your guts, stay away from it.  There are a lot of people that love you, and we’ll wait outside the porta potty door to help you back to camp and nurse you back to health… but the agony in that stinky box is your personal business. Don’t put yourself thru it.

Father, help us in our relationships. Lead us, and give us the courage to battle those desires inside of us that would try to move us away from your wisdom and the place of blessing that you have prepared for us and the people in our lives. Help us to keep our relationships clean and pure and healthy on every level, teens and adults alike, those that have never been in the potty, and those who have made their way out and need to cleaned up and healed. Your kindness and gentleness leads us to repentance. Your loving discipline keeps us in that healthy place of blessing. Your mercy and acceptance keeps us from condemnation and shame and regret. Pour your goodness out upon each of us. Lead us, right now, in the next step we take, where ever we are and where ever we need to move to… get us to that place of peace and zeal and joy in our relationships.