About the book:

For every bewildered parent, there's a kid longing to be understood. What parent hasn't occasionally looked at their beloved but bewildering offspring and wondered, What in the world is he thinking? or Why is my sweet little girl acting like that?

In this remarkable book, Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa Rice take you inside the mind of teens and preteens through the same innovative approach that seized national attention in the best-selling books For Women Only, For Men Only, and For Young Women Only. They explore the results of a nationwide survey and personal interviews with more than 1,000 real-life teens and tweens to tackle those things parents often don't "get" about their kids. You'll hear first-hand about the longings that drive your kids' seemingly illogical decisions, the truth behind those exasperating "attitude problems," and what your children would tell you if they could trust you to truly listen.

My review:

This is by far the most practical, useful, and insightful book I've ever read in regards to parenting. Teens are the hardest to understand, but everything in For Parents Only makes total sense. I have two teenage boys and the scenarios describe them to a "T" to the point where I had to laugh. They really are typical teens. The tidbits of wisdom in this reader-friendly book are incredible and the advice should work if applied correctly. In fact, I tried a few things myself and the results were amazing. :)

Here are the chapter titles... Looking in on growing up, Rebel with a cause, Who are you?, The good thing about being the bad guy, I will be here for you, Can you hear me now?, Attitude adjustment, and In case you ever wonder. Now don't those chapter topics make you want to reference it? It's a quick read, but I guarantee if you get it you'll not only want to go back and review the subject matter every once in awhile, you'll want to get copies for your friends, too.

Still not sure? Here is an excerpt I found on Barnes & Noble's site...

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

LOOKING IN ON GROWING UP

Taking a tour inside your kid's head and heart

One recent fall weekend, I (Shaunti) went tent camping with my family and some good friends. With four couples and eight children under the age of seven, there was lots of laughter, not much sleep, and plenty of great memories.

One memory in particular will be burned into my brain for the rest of my life. After joining some other campers-a youth group-on a hayride, we all piled out of the wagon and began strolling back toward the camping area. One of the youth-group parents smiled at our small children. "Oh, enjoy this time, while they look like this," she said. Then she turned and gestured at the group of tall, lanky teenagers now walking far ahead of us on the rolling country road. "Because in the blink of an eye, they're going to look like that."

As if on cue, our little ones began to break free from our hands and skip ahead, first walking, then running down the hill. The rays of the setting sun seemed to capture a portrait of the small admirers racing toward the supercool teenagers?racing toward growing up. I couldn't stop the tears from leaping to my eyes.

Wherever You Are on the Road?

As I write this book with my friend Lisa, whose kids are long and lanky and off doing their own thing most of the time, we're both struck by the fleeting nature of childhood and sobered by our role in turning these dependent little people into healthy, independent adults.

Whether you're the parent of a small child or you only have a few months left until Junior leaves the nest, the goal of this bookis to help you understand several key things that are likely going on- or soon will be-in the inner life of your child, some inner wiring that you may have never understood before. As any parent can attest, there's a lot that we don't "get" about our children, a lot that leaves us feeling baffled. Why does a little girl who wants to be your best friend one minute become painfully embarrassed by your existence the next? What causes a normally good-natured teenager to yell something hot headed and even cruel, then run to his room and slam the door? What provokes a firmly grounded, responsible youth to start questioning everything your family believes in?

Most important, what do we do about it?

In the chapters ahead we're not going to focus as much on these confusing-even infuriating!-outward behaviors and attitudes as we are on the inner feelings, needs, and temptations that often lead to those behaviors. And as we do, we'll get a much clearer sense of what our kids need from us.

The goal of this book is to help you understand several key things that are likely going on in the inner life of your child.

As parents, we are often so busy putting out fires that it's hard to be settled and confident in guiding children along the ups and downs of the road to adulthood. But our research has convinced us that once our eyes are opened to how our children are wired, we'll be better equipped not only to maximize but also to actually enjoy the precious time that we have with our children.

An ancient Hebrew proverb says, "Happy the generation where the great listen to the small, for it follows that in such a generation the small will listen to the great." That encapsulates the reason we've written this book. As we hear the dreams, concerns, and confusion common to so many of our kids, we'll learn how best to be an influence in their lives for years to come.

The People Behind the Book

Before we go too far, we should give you a bit of background. Shaunti is a public speaker, newspaper columnist, and the author of many best-selling books, including For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men and its companion book, For Men Only. Lisa is a screenwriter, a youth speaker and leader, and the coauthor (with Shaunti) of For Young Women Only: What You Need to Know About How Guys Think. This series has been dedicated entirely to investigating and analyzing the key surprises about the people most important to us. And as sometimes-bewildered parents ourselves, we knew very early on that we needed to dig into those things that we just tend not to "get" about our kids.

As with the previous books, the eye-opening findings in these pages are entirely research based. We are not psychologists or family therapists. Rather, we are trained analysts just crazy enough to try to apply our skills and experience (Shaunti as a Harvard-trained analyst on Wall Street, Lisa as an appraiser conducting high-level business valuations) to helping people understand one another. And we think the best way we can serve parents who want to understand what's going on with their kids is by taking you directly to the real experts: the kids themselves.

At first, some observers questioned whether children could really speak about their inner lives with any sort of clarity. But in our research, we were amazed by the profound insights and often brilliant analysis the kids (primarily teens and preteens) offered into what's going on inside their hearts and minds-and what they most need from their parents.

We were amazed by the profound insights and often brilliant analysis the kids offered into what's going on inside their hearts and minds.

At this point, you might already want to ditch a book that forces you to listen to teenagers, especially if you're having a bad week or thinking ungenerous thoughts about your blessed offspring. (Or are we the only ones who do that?) And we won't deny that some of what we heard from the kids was challenging. But overall, we think you'll be not only surprised by what these kids have to say, but also encouraged and better able to relate to your own kids?at least most of the time!

A Behind-the-Scenes Look

You might be wondering how we managed to wring all this information out of a bunch of monosyllabic adolescents. Well, first we conducted confidential focus groups with teens and preteens around the country. We also held numerous kid-on-the-street interviews, stopping teenagers in shopping malls, coffee shops, schools, and arcades to ask what they were really thinking and feeling about all sorts of issues. We dug into our files of input from hundreds of teenage guys for our earlier book For Young Women Only and followed up in more depth. Whenever either of us traveled for speaking events- from Los Angeles to Kansas City to Saratoga-we talked to kids to confirm that what we were hearing was fairly universal.

Finally, we conducted a groundbreaking, professional, nationally representative survey with the help of two sets of experts: Chuck Cowan at Analytic Focus-the former chief of survey design at the U.S. Census Bureau-and Kevin Sharp and Kelly Puig of the internationally renowned survey company Decision Analyst. In all, four hundred and twenty-seven anonymous kids across the country- ages fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen-answered roughly two dozen questions about how they think, what they feel, and what they need.*

The survey confirmed the results of our personal and group interviews. Not only did we hear the same things over and over from our young sages-reflected in the quotes you'll find in the following pages-but the personal stories and perspectives they shared with us were backed up by statistically valid evidence. In the end, this book incorporates the input and insight of more than twelve hundred kids.

We also asked some adult experts to help us make sense of what we were hearing from the kids, and these consultants allowed us to pepper them with questions via e-mail, phone calls, and in-person discussions. These are not parenting experts so much as they are experts in understanding what's going on inside kids. We are indebted to, among others, Dr. Julie Carbery, PhD psychiatrist and child and family therapist who counsels troubled families; Nerida Edwards, nationally certified middle-school guidance counselor; Emerson Eggerichs, former pastor who now runs a national ministry to help the sexes understand each other and author of the best-selling book Love and Respect; and Vicki Courtney, founder of the Virtuous Reality organization for teen girls.

* The scientific survey anonymously surveyed kids of all major racial groups, belief systems, and socioeconomic strata, and provided a 96 percent confidence level with a +/-3.5 percentage point variation.

Before We Start

Before we take you inside your kid's head, we need to emphasize a few points:
1. We are not endorsing the behavior or excusing the poor choices described by some kids in these pages. Our goal is to serve as your tour guides through the strange and wonderful world
of "teendom" and to give you new information to help you understand what's going on inside the kids, why they might do some insane things, and how these facts can give clearer direction to your parenting. We need to emphasize that just because certain thoughts and behaviors are seen over and over, we are not saying they are desirable or acceptable.

2. Our findings are nationally representative, but we personally approach parenting from a Christian worldview. We aim to lead our children toward choices that will help them reach their full, God-given potential. We want to help you do the same, and we believe our nationally representative findings and analysis will be helpful even if you do not share our worldview.

3. This book is not just for parents of teenagers. Although we were limited to surveying teens for legal reasons, and we focused the book on the most intense application of these truths in the 'tween and teen years, we believe parents of small children will find this advance information immensely valuable. As the mother of two young children, currently ages four and seven, I (Shaunti) can already see the application of several of these findings, and the value of laying the right foundation before the teen years arrive.

4. There are exceptions to every rule. When we say that most kids appear to think a certain way, realize that most means exactly that-most, not all. We're making generalizations out of necessity, and as the professional survey shows, there will be exceptions. (In addition, since some exceptions may include serious problems that are beyond the scope of this book, we strongly urge parents in those situations to seek guidance from a professional child and family therapist.)

5. This book is not intended as a comprehensive overview of parenting principles. Our sole goal is to open your eyes to several critical things that are likely to be going on inside your child, things that many parents tend not to "get." But new insights alone are rarely enough to change a life. Once you recognize certain realities, you may want to investigate the wonderful resources out there that address particular topics in more depth-especially those that explore God's power to transform the heart. (You'll find links to several resources-including our survey data-at forparentsonlybook.com.) In addition, because our "what to do about it" sections can't cover the highly individual situations parents will encounter, we strongly suggest that you read with pencil in hand and make running notes about how you might apply a particular insight in your family. The companion For Parents Only Discussion Guide can help you put your new insights to work.

One last point: as you read, give yourself a break. None of us as parents can possibly measure up to everything we think we should do-or, for that matter, to all the things kids say they need. At the end of the movie Cheaper by the Dozen, the oldest daughter says to her dad (played by Steve Martin), "You taught me that there's no way to be a perfect parent, but there's a million ways to be a good one." We believe that if you're reading this book, you're already a good parent. Please keep the big picture in mind and avoid the temptation to judge your parenting or that of others. Because there's only one perfect parent?and we're not Him.

Both of us believe that although we may encounter some challenges along the way, there is also a heavenly Father guiding those who seek the truth. That may or may not be your worldview, but we hope our findings and analysis will be helpful no matter where you are in your own parenting journey. So are you ready? Let's embark on a thrilling and sometimes scary adventure?inside the head of your kid.


For Parents Only was published by Multnomah/Waterbrook Press and released in September 2007.

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About the book:

When Sam's estranged step-father dies, she inherits his ocean-front cottage in Nantucket--not because he kindly bequeathed it to her, but because he neglected to ever create a will. Sam returns to the island she left 11 years ago with her daughter Caden to fix up the house and sell it, but she isn't counting on is the fact that Landon Reed still lives two doors down from her childhood home. As their long-dormant romance begins to bud again, Sam must face the fact that Landon still doesn't know why she really left the island. Will the secrets she's hidden all these years tear them apart? Or is Landon's love really as unconditional as he claims?

My review:

I love a romance with deep emotion, a bit of angst, and plenty of romantic tension. Well this story packs a powerful punch in all three areas. It's an allegory and one of the coolest examples I've ever read. There are many, many women in this world who are just like Samantha, and there are many people in this world who are running from Christ as well. If He only knew what my heart was really like, they think, then there is no way He could love me. Wrong. And this story so beautifully illustrates that point. Samantha wanted Landon so badly, yet she was terrified of his intense love. And the scenes where he showed his love to her were so beautiful and powerful! Oy, I loved that. It literally swept me away.

Though God is never mentioned in this story you still see His love on every page. In Samantha's thoughts you hear the same doubts that Satan often puts in people's heads. Don't trust him. Don't let anyone love you. It hurts too much when they leave you. Poor Sam was abandoned by so many people, and that affected every stupid decision she made. And she made plenty of them. Quite a few you experience right along with her. The sense of desperation and self-loathing is multiplied with every wrong choice until she thinks there is no way that he could really love her. Not if he knew. And just like she hurt Landon in so many ways, we hurt God by rejecting His unconditional love.

This is an awesome read. It's hard to put down and will make your heart pound right along with Sam's. Highly recommended!

Surrender Bay was published by Thomas Nelson and released in November 2007.

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About the Book:

Her childhood marked by rejection and loss, Julia Bakker longs for life to finally begin. Determined to escape her conservative Christian hometown, she chooses college for a radical reinvention. But following a momentous mistake, the self-defeated Julia returns to her loving grandmother's farm. Will she learn to hope in a God who makes all things new?

My review:

The following section in italics contains one of the most beautiful concepts I've read in a Christian novel.

It seemed like a strange thing to say, but with every repetition she drove a tiny seed of hope further into my heart. I almost didn't want it there--hope is not a promise, merely a wish, a yearning for something that may never materialize--but it sank down deep where I could not extract it and began, even in that moment, to put down fragile roots.

It was the hope that scared me most of all, and only when I had felt it tremble inside me did I begin to cry.

That section of the story spoke most deeply to my heart. It's what we all need when the world seems to be caving in on us. We need hope. We need someone to gift us with it so we will see things from a different perspective. We don't need judgment or condemnation. This fallen world dishes out plenty of that, and what the world doesn't dump on us we heap on ourselves. After the Leaves Fall is about hope.

There were so many beautiful and profound discoveries that Julia made about herself in the story, which is more like a coming-of-age journey, that I don't know where to begin. I don't want to spoil any of the precious treasures the reader will discover along with Julia. My heart broke for her and yet it also understood her. There is a little piece of Julia in all of us. Children need affirmation from a mother, and without it they spend their lives second-guessing themselves. This came out in so many of her internal thoughts and her impulsive decisions. Often as she contemplated her life I found myself doing the same.

After the Leaves Fall is so impressively introspective with it's gorgeous prose that words are inadequate to describe it. And on some deep level, every wounded child wants to do what their parent did, but do it right this time. No one wants to duplicate mistakes, but the deep need to be loved often drives our behavior. It's truly amazing how that works, but it's how God created us...to need love. Anyway, this is one of the most emotional and wonderful books I've ever read and it has impacted my heart deeply. I can't recommend it highly enough. If all authors were as gifted as this debut author, I would never get anything done.

After the Leaves Fall was published by Tyndale and released in October 2007.

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Splitting Harriet not only has a catchy title, but it really fits the story. I am always impressed when an author comes up with a title that truly represents the book. And the cover captures the meat of the story as well. This is one awesome chick lit novel that has all of the ingredients you want to see in a Christian book. Romantic tension, first person internal dialog that flows naturally, tough decisions, and spiritual growth. Her fears were realistic given her past, but she needed to learn to trust in order to grow.

Watching Harriet grow in the Lord was a beautiful thing to experience as I read this novel. I loved Harri's personality, her quirks, her issues with cats, her imperfect past, her striving to do the right thing, and fearing that the "old man" would return if she gave in to her passions. She was a fabulous and lovable character. I'm sad the story had to end. I read the book in less than three days, so you know it was awesome. The humor was LOL funny, especially when she started noticing the hero's flaws more when she was irritated with him. Example: Why did his nose suddenly seem longer?

And Harri was never mean in her thoughts towards others. Honest, yes. But never mean. Even her own negative thoughts about herself were well done. Snappy, but not snippy. Great internal dialog. Harri is a lot like me. She wants to do the right thing, but sometimes selfishness blocks her progress. She's human after all. Wait, she's a fictional character. But she seemed so real! I highly recommend Splitting Harriet. Nothing forced or contrived in this story. NOT a thing!

Splitting Harriet was published by Multnomah and will be released on Nov. 20th, so pre-order your copy today!

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About the book:

World War II had managed to stay in Europe until three women began to fight their own war back home in Nebraska. For Clara, the loss of an 'almost son' to the war is devastating, and now that he's gone, she's forced to face her feelings for his father. Josephine's love for a soldier must remain silent because he wears the uniform of the enemy, and Helen's husband returns from battle with much more than wounds and she sees now that the battle has just begun at home. How will these three women cope with the sudden changes in their everyday life, and how will they begin to turn their lives back around?

My review:

I can see this novel made into a television series. I'm not kidding! When I first saw the cover I wasn't sure I'd like the story despite the intriguing summary on the back of the book. But I wasn't disappointed. The characters were rich and the drama contained real-life conflict that kept me reading. I was totally into this story and fell in love with the different romances as they occurred in their unique settings. One of a married woman and her battle-scarred husband, the other of a woman who denied herself true love until old age, and the most amazing story of all...the woman who falls in love with the "enemy" who is a brother in the Lord.

I just love stories with such impossible barriers, yet the love of Christ breaks through as long as His children follow His will and not their flesh, which is often deceptive and leads to heartache. Forgiveness and looking beyond the outward appearance are strong themes in this novel. You will be holding your breath in several places and swiping tears from your eyes in others. If you want to read a story that will move your heart and warm your spirit, then you will want to read Footprints on the Horizon. Trust me!

Footprints on the Horizon was published by Bethany House and released in August 2005.

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From the Publisher:

In this captivating novel centered around Glastonbury Tor, a young man seeks salvation as the Catholic Church finds itself in turmoil during the reign of Henry VIII. Reputed to be King Arthur's resting place, Glastonbury Abbey is steeped in legend. For 16-year-old Collen it's a refuge after fleeing from his abusive father. But with Henry VIII threatening to seize the abbey and hatred imprisoning his heart, Collen is held captive---body and soul. Will he ever accept God's liberating grace and forgive his father?

Historical facts about the book:

The setting is during the reign of Henry VIII, when his government is systematically destroying monasteries throughout England and taking their land and possessions for the royal treasury. The central character is 17-year-old Colin, escaping a violent home life to live at the monastery in Glastonbury, one of the holiest sites of British Christendom. Legend has it that the Holy Grail is at this monastery.

At the same time Henry VIII is breaking from Rome, the Bible has been translated into English and there is an underground, forbidden religious movement by those who are reading the Bible and determining their own faith. They are persecuted by Henry's forces just as those who are holding on to the old church connected to the Pope are persecuted. Colin is caught in this web.

Some of the monks at Glastonbury who are sheltering Colin are loving and trustworthy; others are power-hungry and unreliable. Colin is able to read and keep accounts, so he is allowed to travel about overseeing the various properties owned by the monastery. He meets a family who are reading the forbidden Bible at home and with their neighbors—their lives are in danger if their secret is revealed—and he is attracted to their lovely daughter. When soldiers come to the monastery to take possession of it, even the Holy Grail itself plays a part in this story.

My review:

Glastonbury Tor contains a lot of actual historical events and people. During the High Middle Ages and the reign of King Henry the VIII, corruption was rampant. Poor Colin leaves one abusive home and enters another when he seeks refuge in the Glastonbury Abby, though some of monks were kind toward him. He matured quite a bit during the year within which this novel occurs. Colin faced unspeakable evil, experienced situation straight from legends in Britain and of the ancient druids, and came in contact with relics alleged to have ties to Christ. Some of the events that occur in this book are obviously fictional as Christ does not inhabit a cup...the Holy Grail, despite legend. And Colin had visions that no one else could see. Nevertheless I found the story quite entertaining despite the lack of romance in the book. It's more of a coming of age novel about a teen boy who must overcome obstacles and confront evil as he learns about true faith.

Glastonbury Tor was published by Kregel and released in October 2006.

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Synopsis:

Using the metaphor of screenwriting, My Life, Unscripted explores relationships in every teenage girl's life--with herself, her friends and enemies, her parents, guys, and with God.

Real-life scripts, screenwriting terms, and timely topics, make this an interesting read for teen girls as they delve into their own inner struggles and outward relationships. They'll also learn the importance of "scripting" their own responses BEFORE challenging life-situations arise and are able to think about, pray about, and consider how to face these situations before the scene begins. By contrasting real-life with TV or movies, teens will understand they don't have to get caught up in the drama.

My review:

In My Life, Unscripted, the author takes real-life scenarios from her teen years and creates valuable lessons from her experiences. Quotes from other teen girls and tidbits of their thoughts are interspersed throughout the book as well. I liked how everything tied together with Scripture and every scene was used to illustrate a point in the lesson. The screenwriting metaphor also made for an interesting set-up and the book was easy to follow. A great resource for teen girls. So check it out!

My Life, Unscripted was published by Thomas Nelson and released in Sept. 2007.

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Book Description:

Jeremy Cramer, M.D. is the next Einstein of infectious disease research. While working on a way to revive water submersion victims, he makes a breakthrough discovery in AIDS research that thrusts him into the center of a media frenzy. But the publicity turns negative and his marriage reaches the breaking point when he accidentally infects a colleague and his negligence allows his son to contract a life threatening disease. The viruses test the limits of his new formula and his ethics. In his frantic efforts to save his son and his marriage, he must decide whether to allow his child to die or violate the rights of a young transplant donor. The choice forces him to stand face-to-face with the unfathomable love required to sacrifice an only son.

My review:

I almost didn't accept this book to review as I had SO many to read, but the subject matter intrigued me. Now I'm glad I took this book on. I'll tell you why...Informed Consent is one of the most emotional, suspenseful, intelligent, and exhilarating stories I've read in a long time. The up-close look into marriage issues, grief and loss, and biomedical/ethical subject matter makes me rank this amazing novel as one of the best I've read this year. It is SO obvious that the author did a lot of research and she addressed the subject with insight and compassion. This story moved me to tears numerous times.

In some ways Informed Consent--which is a perfect title for the story--reminded me of a movie I watched starring Denzel Washington. In the movie he was stuck in an impossible situation and yet found a way to fix the problem. His solution was totally insane, but it sure made you think about the desperation people feel when they long to save a loved one, but face seemingly impossible barriers along the way. Informed consent tackled some really tough issues with finesse.

I'm reluctant to share much detail regarding this awesome novel because it's very suspenseful and I don't want the reader to miss out on the anxiety-provoking twists and turns by tipping them off to some of the dilemmas and solutions. But I will say that this story not only provokes intelligent thinking, but it makes you ponder spiritual issues as well. I am thoroughly impressed by the quality of the plot, the author's incredible "voice", and the pull this story had on me. I can't say enough good things about it, but I will say that from this point forward I intend to read EVERY book Sandra Glahn writes.

Informed Consent was published by David C Cook and released in August 2007.

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