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Last Published: 5/15/2008 5:06:54 PM
What to do?
Asked by:
*The*Learner*Of*Lessons* on
January 4, 2008 at
12:29PM EST
Help Me! I need some good advice! A relationship is at stake....Well My boyfriend....... how do I put this? He has posters in his room that are indecent of some singers and on his myspace has this very indecent video...I love him but I don't like the fact he likes indecentcy and "adores" unmodest people....I just don't get it...If I bring it up it won't change his true feelings.....then what if he just hides it? He says he loves me so I think that gives me the rite to adress the problem but frankly I'm afraid....I just really hate how ladies show off their bodies and get credit for being perfect when they are fake....Sincerely Miss Upset, Confused, and Afraid....
(7) Answers
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Answered by: alyssa on January 4, 2008 5:59PM EST
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Answered by: Wesley on January 7, 2008 11:21AM EST
Courtney, I am deeply sorry that you are going through this time with your boyfriend. I will definitely pray for you, but I was just praying about what to write here and God spoke to me...saying that it will not go away, he will continue down this path. I am sorry and hope that--should this not be the man God has chosen for you--that you will find one who loves you as Christ loves the church.
-Wes
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Answered by: Josh DeJong on January 7, 2008 12:00PM EST
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Answered by: Court on January 7, 2008 12:23PM EST
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Courtney, you said: "I just don't get it...If I bring it up it won't change his true feelings.....then what if he just hides it?" But bringing it up has the potential of changing his feelings. I think it's likely that he is not aware of how it makes a girlfriend feel when he has pictures and videos like this. Just knowing it's "worldly" is different from knowing how it makes your dear girlfriend feel. I think you should talk about it, and see how he reacts to your feelings. I don't think you can make a judgment on him until you give him this chance to respond to your concerns.
Wesley, you say: "I am sorry and hope that--should this not be the man God has chosen for you--that you will find one who loves you as Christ loves the church." And Josh, you say, " I think you should pray to God for the right guy who loves God." I think it's quite judgmental to say Courtney's boyfriend doesn't love God just because he has musician posters in his room and videos on MySpace that are not models of modesty. If you make such a judgment, are you going to extend your judgment to pastors as well? Consider these statistics:
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A 1996 Promise Keepers survey at one of their stadium events revealed that over 50% of the men in attendance were involved with pornography within one week of attending the event.
51% of pastors say cyber-porn is a possible temptation. 37% say it is a current struggle (Christianity Today, Leadership Survey, 12/2001).
In a 2000 Christianity Today survey, 33% of clergy admitted to having visited a sexually explicit Web site. Of those who had visited a porn site, 53% had visited such sites “a few times” in the past year, and 18% visit sexually explicit sites between a couple of times a month and more than once a week.
Source: http://www.safefamilies.org/sfStats.php
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That Promise Keepers survey was in 1996, before the web was nearly as common in homes as it is today; what would the figures be today? My point is, attraction to images of sexy women is a problem for many Christian men; I think it's inaccurate to say they all don't love God.
And for women, I think these statistics show that you need to be prepared to deal with the issue. I'm not saying accept it, I'm saying that running to the next guy probably isn't going to be fruitful because it's such a common problem.
Finally, let me point out that this issue isn't for men alone. From the same website referenced above comes this statistic:
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34% of female readers of Today's Christian Woman's online newsletter admitted to intentionally accessing Internet porn in a recent poll and 1 out of every 6 women, including Christians, struggles with an addiction to pornography (Today’s Christian Woman, Fall 2003).
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Show some grace and mercy as you try to lead people away from sin.
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Answered by: Court on January 8, 2008 12:31PM EST
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Answered by: Chelsea on February 17, 2008 5:51PM EST
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